When asked if he was dating anyone, a comedian said that he was in an exclusive relationship with himself. It was funny because everyone expected him to name some hot starlet, or at least someone else.
What he meant was that he was way too selfish to be in a committed relationship with anyone.
But the thought of being in a committed relationship with yourself got me thinking—maybe it’s not such a silly thing to say.
Maybe the reason so many people are unfocused, unfulfilled and unhappy is because they don’t have a good relationship with themselves.
Fixing a self you’ve never met
I once heard Robert Holden, the author of Shift Happens, (commenting on the self-help movement) say that most people rush off to try to fix a self they’ve never met.
He said that the premise of the self-help movement was ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ and maybe that’s not true. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you at all; maybe all the problems you’re having is because you don’t really know who you are. You’ve never really met your true self.
Higher and Lower Self
I’m no expert on God and spirituality but I have come to believe in some source beingness that we all come from, (our higher Self) that we’re all connected to; and it allows us to be at our creative, inspiring, passionate, peaceful, joyful and loving best.
But modern life distracts us from this source and directs our lower self to look for happiness everywhere else e.g, material things, sex, drugs and power.
I think that living a great life, finding peace and joy requires us to get to know our Higher Self and this comes from going within—exploring our own sense of self.
The wonder of being a human being is the possibility we represent and the wonder of the choice we will make to create ourselves as whatever we choose to be.
The backbone of our lives comes from constituting ourselves as someone with specific values, and aspirations; someone who will and will not do certain things. Being true to this declaration of ourselves is what makes us withstand whatever life throws us at us, and allows us to make truly tough decisions because only one is true to who we say we are.
It’s in the making of and sticking to this declaration of who we are creating our lower self to be is how we connect to our Higher Self.
Commit to yourself
I think being in a committed relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you can be in, because (1) it’s the path to your Higher Self (God) and (2) if you can’t keep the commitments you make to yourself you’re not likely to keep the ones you make to someone else.
It’s much like the vows we make to a partner when you get married. Just in this case you make certain vows to yourself about what kind of person you are in this world, what you stand for, what you will achieve, your legacy and how you will treat your fellow man.