Five things I hate

Five things I hate? Interesting, almost refreshing twist on what everyone seems to be asking these days. On the phone messages you hear “… and before you hang up, tell me one thing you love about your life.”

I guess it’s progress on the road to enlightenment that I actually can’t think of anything at least not at first. A good sign I think.

Hmmmm.

I don’t hate anything? What a highly conscious evolved person am I?

And then I think of a person that really irritates me sometimes. I hate it when she’s like that. When she’s that way, you know … so unnecessarily difficult.

That’s it! That’s something I can roll around with in the pig pen of hate. I hate it when she, or anyone else for that matter chooses the difficult path when the alternative is so available and obviously easy. There, that wasn’t so hard.

I nailed #1.

What else do I hate?  Think, think, think.

I’m challenged with five. Hmmm one down, four to go. I hate people that don’t clean up after their dogs. Ok I don’t actually hate them; I just hate dog shit on the streets. I’m sure the dogs are great to play with and their owners are much more hygienic at home, I just hate stepping in dog shit. Yes! Another victory I really hate stepping in dog shit.

And oh, the smell. Can I claim that as # 3? There’s the stepping in, and then there’s the smell of it. God, I hate the smell of dog shit. Yes. I’m claiming that as #3. I hate the smell of dog shit. I could milk this with the wiping off of it, but where would the challenge be? I’ll go for the challenge.

What else? Think, think, think. Well there’s traffic. I actually don’t hate traffic. I don’t even drive anymore. Plus I usually have an audio book I could listen to. Ah hah!

Wasting time.

I hate wasting time, or rather having someone else waste my time. I as Grand Master of my own time, am the only one that has the prerogative to waste my time. Anybody else wasting my time earns my contemptible scorn. How’s that for hatred: contempt and scorn. What passionate words.

And for #5 what else do I hate? Oh this one’s easy: salsa songs that go on forever. Don’t get me wrong I love salsa, and I’m even credited with being a decent salsa dancer. It’s just that I’ve got only so many moves and after I use them up, I get bored or rather I think she gets bored. Starts a whole conversation in my head about what she’s thinking about my dancing, and God. The freaking song won’t stop!

It just goes on and on and on.

Why couldn’t it stop after 3 minutes and I could milk my four or five really cool moves, song ends and I still have some perceived mojo left. But no, it’s gotta go on for for fifteen frickin’ minutes. Damn I hate long salsa songs.

Ok. That’s it. Five things I hate. That wasn’t so bad. Now I can go back to my transformed higher self. Until I step in dog shit at a salsa party.

Any thoughts? Contributions/acknowledgments welcome.